Helping your teens create and cultivate healthy friendships
The conversation of our teen’s friendships is worrisome for us as parents and leaders because to degree it’s out of control how much time your teen spends throughout the day with a person or a group of people. The other ominous aspect of the teenage years is that studies show by 9th grade, a teen is more influenced by their friends than by their parents. That’s a big deal. Who your teen’s friends are will shape their hearts and their minds in some of the most crucial times in their lives. In many senses part of who your teen will become is who their friends are now. Proverbs 12:26 says, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” As parents, there might be nothing scarier than the second half of that verse.
So what can we as parents do to help our teens create and cultivate healthy friendships?
First, you need to be paying attention. Who is your teen hanging around with? Who do they talk about the most? Who are they asking to spend time with? That will give you a solid indication of who is influencing them. Those details will give you the opportunity to speak into those relationships. Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” This verse clearly indicates that walking alongside your teen in every aspect of their life is crucial to their spiritual growth. Consistently paying attention to who your teens are with and how they are being influenced by that person or group gives you the opportunities to have conversations with your teen about those relationships.
Secondly, you need to find spaces that your teen can cultivate healthy relationships in. Sometimes teens just “fall into” relationships because of who they are in closest proximity to. Teens need to have multiple environments in their lives where they can create and cultivate healthy friendships. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Teens need places where they can easily seek out and build friendships that will be iron sharpening iron. As parents, you need to be leading your teen in this way. That includes valuing these relationship building environments by what you choose to participate in. That’s also why we exist as a church and more specifically a teen ministry, to come alongside you as parents and partner with you to help create environments where your teens can create and cultivate healthy relationships. That’s why we want your teen to participate in a small group, not just because it’s cool and it’s our program, but because we want to see your teen grow in their relationship with Christ through their relationship with others.
Lastly, there is a caveat to this idea of relationship building through environments. We are all called to be lights in this dark world. How do we be lights to a dark world if all of the lights are huddled in one small room together? Your teen not only needs friendships where they can be influenced in a positive spiritual way, but they also need environments where they can be an influence on others. Having conversations with your teens about the differences of these kinds of friendships will go a long way in helping your teens understand how to leverage friendships for God’s glory wherever they are.
Part of who your teen becomes is influenced by who your teen is friends with now. As you understand more and more who their friends are, you can take opportunities to have conversations with your teen about how they are leveraging those relationships.
Questions to reflect on:
Further Resources: If you want to dive into this area more, here are some resources that can help.
So what can we as parents do to help our teens create and cultivate healthy friendships?
First, you need to be paying attention. Who is your teen hanging around with? Who do they talk about the most? Who are they asking to spend time with? That will give you a solid indication of who is influencing them. Those details will give you the opportunity to speak into those relationships. Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” This verse clearly indicates that walking alongside your teen in every aspect of their life is crucial to their spiritual growth. Consistently paying attention to who your teens are with and how they are being influenced by that person or group gives you the opportunities to have conversations with your teen about those relationships.
Secondly, you need to find spaces that your teen can cultivate healthy relationships in. Sometimes teens just “fall into” relationships because of who they are in closest proximity to. Teens need to have multiple environments in their lives where they can create and cultivate healthy friendships. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Teens need places where they can easily seek out and build friendships that will be iron sharpening iron. As parents, you need to be leading your teen in this way. That includes valuing these relationship building environments by what you choose to participate in. That’s also why we exist as a church and more specifically a teen ministry, to come alongside you as parents and partner with you to help create environments where your teens can create and cultivate healthy relationships. That’s why we want your teen to participate in a small group, not just because it’s cool and it’s our program, but because we want to see your teen grow in their relationship with Christ through their relationship with others.
Lastly, there is a caveat to this idea of relationship building through environments. We are all called to be lights in this dark world. How do we be lights to a dark world if all of the lights are huddled in one small room together? Your teen not only needs friendships where they can be influenced in a positive spiritual way, but they also need environments where they can be an influence on others. Having conversations with your teens about the differences of these kinds of friendships will go a long way in helping your teens understand how to leverage friendships for God’s glory wherever they are.
Part of who your teen becomes is influenced by who your teen is friends with now. As you understand more and more who their friends are, you can take opportunities to have conversations with your teen about how they are leveraging those relationships.
Questions to reflect on:
- Do you know who is influencing your teen?
- Are there relationships that need to stop because it might be taking them down a wrong path?
- Are there environments that you need to engage inside and outside of your home to help your teen create and cultivate healthy relationships?
- Are you taking advantage of opportunities to have regular conversations about friendships your teen has?
Further Resources: If you want to dive into this area more, here are some resources that can help.
- https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/the-value-of-christian-friends/
- Talking with your daughter about best friends by Dana Gresh
- https://theparentcue.org/pcl-37-how-to-help-your-kids-make-friends/
- Intentional Parenting by Doug and Kathy Fields
- Parenting Beyond Your Capacity By Reggie Joiner and Cary Nieuwof
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